had an epiphany last night driving home.....about relationships and what I want out of one.....
I want to be "enough" for someone....but not "everything" to someone......
I don't want the responsibility of being their morning and their nighttime and everything in between...I don't want all their joys or all their sadness to come from me.....
but I would like to be enough for someone just as I am...without having to change or be MORE than I am now.....
more this afternooon after a day of subbing at the school
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
exercise from Be Inspired
STRUCTURED TIMED EXERCISE FROM A WONDERFUL WORKSHOP “Be Inspired: Create Something Every Day” by Maria Gatling at Austin Details Gallery on August 31, 2010
Task: write a mini-saga about your life where you are right now. You can include how you got here or where you are going or something important about right now. Like all stories, include a beginning, a middle and an end.
My Essay:
As Pomp and Circumstance echoed through the stadium and tears filled the eyes of excited parents, my brain began morphing. Structures of classrooms, ideas about teaching, dwindling passion for understanding challenging brains began marching off into compartments. The sides folded up into boxes as each one was filled. The flaps criss crossed and closed on top. Gingerly and lovingly I clicked the switch securing them into their new home. The toy boxes and playgrounds in my mind were released and mayhem ensued. Now, daily, I seek to create islands of creative order surrounded by flagrant colors, ideas and directions of creative chaos.
Task: write a mini-saga about your life where you are right now. You can include how you got here or where you are going or something important about right now. Like all stories, include a beginning, a middle and an end.
My Essay:
As Pomp and Circumstance echoed through the stadium and tears filled the eyes of excited parents, my brain began morphing. Structures of classrooms, ideas about teaching, dwindling passion for understanding challenging brains began marching off into compartments. The sides folded up into boxes as each one was filled. The flaps criss crossed and closed on top. Gingerly and lovingly I clicked the switch securing them into their new home. The toy boxes and playgrounds in my mind were released and mayhem ensued. Now, daily, I seek to create islands of creative order surrounded by flagrant colors, ideas and directions of creative chaos.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
chairs I took to Surfside
The Surfside Sunset sold to a man who was going to put it in a an auction for the Fire Department I think. The Surfside with the bird is put aside for a new friend who could not be in Surfside that weekend. I gave Kitty her chair because of her generosity and letting me sell chairs there at her party. She is a wonderful lady and I am glad to have met her. Eric (the man behind the Surfside FB page) was there and he was a wonderful tour guide, conversationalist and motivator !At first I was a little disappointed that I did not make a good haul ..lol...but then I remembered that I enjoyed making them, I learned alot from this trip...and now I have an inventory....AND...I was at Surfside!! So I left happy....esp knowing that I have a place in Surfside now....I feel comfortable going by myself, staying by myself and enjoying being in touch with that me....I did not feel a sense of sadness or desperation because I know I can come back at any time. It felt good!....even the sunburn on my back feels good...
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
sunflower chairs
made these chairs for a friend of mine.....I always thought sunflowers were easy...but actually can be kinda complicated when you go for angles.....which of course I did....I guess I could have gone straight on.....may just have to make another for her to choose from....now I just need to learn to sew so I can make little pillows to sit in the corner of the chairs....tired now....reunion this weekend.....I wish I could be content with the way I have changed and aged....I wish I could embrace each day with the positiveness that Deb Taylor does......then the following weekend I am planning to go to Surfside so I am making some chairs to take along.....and am on a liquid diet until then...lol.....and...I would love to go shout for the Watts Brother's band on Monday nite at the Mohawk in Austin....great guys from Smithville have a chance to be one of the bands at the Bash at the Brewery in SA.....will try to reserve some energy for Monday nite.....come on vitamins...kick in!!
Just watched Temple Grandin on HBO. It is a movie about an autistic woman who has acquired a BS, MA and PhD in Animal Husbandry.....she is a phenomenal woman. She offers her terrific insight into the world of a person who has autism. I want to take this opportunity to take my hat off to my collegues who continue to work in special education. I have done it all my life and seem to have no more reserves to share. The job is immense.
To be a good sped teacher, one has to assemble all the important knowledge in their head. They have to learn about sensori motor integretion- SMI(how the senses work and integrate into the structure and function of the mind). They have to learn all about how children develop, the "normal" or average way and then the development that may have become skewed through poor SMI or brain damage or some other hinderance to development that may contribute to developing some other way than "normal". They have to learn how to task analyze any and every task, activity, skill or event and break it down into manageable segments. They have to learn the scope and sequence of any subject area attempting to be taught.
Then comes the most important areas for sped teachers.... They must then assemble the puzzle of each individual child. How do they learn best, what do they already know, what skills do they have that you can build on, what motivates them, what hinders their learning and performance, what is important about each subject to THIS child, how is their sensory system organized....on and on....THEN they attempt to get inside that child's head and experience how that child learns. This gives insight into how, what, where and who needs to be taught what.
A side effect of obtaining this insight is an emotional connection to the person and the disability. It becomes a part of us. So not only do we carry who we are personally (and struggle to continue to figure that out as we go) but we also carry the emotional stressors, highs and lows and complexities of the students we teach and their disability as it effects that student. Over the years there are many personal experiences that we keep inside us. This collection in itself can be a valuable tool for a master teacher. It helps us put together each and every puzzle of a learner that comes through our door. It helps us connect and plug in what the student needs at that time in a manner that they can obtain and use a skill or a concept.
But what I have not noticed until I am without the need to put myself in their shoes (retirement), is that I carry EACH emotional experience with me..... The stuggles that the child has, the frustrations that they have, the peer pressure and the individual struggle to discover and value who they are. When I watched the Temple Grandin story, it was an emotional release for me in that she was speaking for all those students that I have been carrying with me....all their frustrations...all their insights.....their lost opportunities ...and the doors that did and did not open for them.....thank you Temple.
To be a good sped teacher, one has to assemble all the important knowledge in their head. They have to learn about sensori motor integretion- SMI(how the senses work and integrate into the structure and function of the mind). They have to learn all about how children develop, the "normal" or average way and then the development that may have become skewed through poor SMI or brain damage or some other hinderance to development that may contribute to developing some other way than "normal". They have to learn how to task analyze any and every task, activity, skill or event and break it down into manageable segments. They have to learn the scope and sequence of any subject area attempting to be taught.
Then comes the most important areas for sped teachers.... They must then assemble the puzzle of each individual child. How do they learn best, what do they already know, what skills do they have that you can build on, what motivates them, what hinders their learning and performance, what is important about each subject to THIS child, how is their sensory system organized....on and on....THEN they attempt to get inside that child's head and experience how that child learns. This gives insight into how, what, where and who needs to be taught what.
A side effect of obtaining this insight is an emotional connection to the person and the disability. It becomes a part of us. So not only do we carry who we are personally (and struggle to continue to figure that out as we go) but we also carry the emotional stressors, highs and lows and complexities of the students we teach and their disability as it effects that student. Over the years there are many personal experiences that we keep inside us. This collection in itself can be a valuable tool for a master teacher. It helps us put together each and every puzzle of a learner that comes through our door. It helps us connect and plug in what the student needs at that time in a manner that they can obtain and use a skill or a concept.
But what I have not noticed until I am without the need to put myself in their shoes (retirement), is that I carry EACH emotional experience with me..... The stuggles that the child has, the frustrations that they have, the peer pressure and the individual struggle to discover and value who they are. When I watched the Temple Grandin story, it was an emotional release for me in that she was speaking for all those students that I have been carrying with me....all their frustrations...all their insights.....their lost opportunities ...and the doors that did and did not open for them.....thank you Temple.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Saturday Haiku
Saturday Haiku...help!
I need to learn how
to reframe a rejection
to pass through a door....
I need to learn how
to reframe a rejection
to pass through a door....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sunflower Haiku
How can sunflowers
Be so wonderfully simple
and so hard to paint
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c
How can sunflowers
Be so wonderfully simple
and so hard to paint
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c
The top sunflower is my first attempt at pallet knives....it looks cooler in person....
Friday, July 23, 2010
Haiku Friday
Haiku Friday
I almost forgot
To do my Haiku Friday
Its been a long week
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c
I almost forgot
To do my Haiku Friday
Its been a long week
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c
Friday, July 16, 2010
Haiku Friday
Haiku Friday
My contribution:
Crazy Tinkerbell
made from newspaper and glue
candy pinata
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c
IF I ever get this silly thing finished I will post a pic....this is turning out to be much more frustrating....I usually love paper mache but for some reason this is just not coming together in reality like it is in my head.....grrrrrr
My contribution:
Crazy Tinkerbell
made from newspaper and glue
candy pinata
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c
IF I ever get this silly thing finished I will post a pic....this is turning out to be much more frustrating....I usually love paper mache but for some reason this is just not coming together in reality like it is in my head.....grrrrrr
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
trying to link
As soon as I can figure out how to add pages and link them to this blog, I will have all my artwork connected to this page...thanks for your patience....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Danny's painting
This is a painting I did for our shop teacher for making me several huge canvas frames and chairs. The middle picture is thrown in there because I am watching Jimmy Buffet on CMT...It's 5:00 Somewhere.....yet another chair I did for a friend....Saturday, July 10, 2010
Angel
Angel Watching Over You.....for Martha and the wonderful people at the Breadbasket in Brenham who are not only great cooks but all around great people...they take care of my mom when I am not there.....sending you lots-o-love!Friday, July 9, 2010
beach chair
Had this one almost finished for ....hmm...about a year now...decided to go ahead and finish it...NOW I have to start from scratch......Mother's chair
My mom said that before I started making chairs for everyone else, she wanted one. Your wish mom.......Church pic is one that I have been promising my aunt for about 40 years..lol...and now that I am retired.....
Haiku Friday -
check out this link
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c to Recurda Mi Corazon :Haiku My Heart Friday
My contribution:
Screwdrivers and bolts
Puzzles to be assembled
Adirondack chairs
Happy Friday everyone.....Arc Angels at Antones tonite (wish I was going!!) and Aquapalooza tomorrow....wish I was going there....but you can't beat Austin for fun!!
check out this link
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00e552b433218834013484e8f677970c to Recurda Mi Corazon :Haiku My Heart Friday
My contribution:
Screwdrivers and bolts
Puzzles to be assembled
Adirondack chairs
Happy Friday everyone.....Arc Angels at Antones tonite (wish I was going!!) and Aquapalooza tomorrow....wish I was going there....but you can't beat Austin for fun!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
sign painting and open doors
The door is squeaking as I open it cautiously. I think I am going to give a new adventure a try. I REALLY want to follow through on this one..lol...
I went out and bought 10 unassembled chairs today to paint. I already have requests from friends and family members, but with this new batch, I hope to be able to cautiously begin selling them for fun and profit. I don't think I will set up a website just yet and depend on word of mouth to get started. I have not yet put pen to paper to decide how much I have invested and how much I will need to make to pull even...and even make some profit to put away some money for that trip to Key West....on my endless summer.
As I was driving to pick up the chairs I mused that it is interesting how some things come home to roost. My grandfather Schindler was a sign painter back in the day when handpainted billboards were the rage. I never really understood why he did not use his talent to paint more paintings. But as I embark on this endeavor, I find myself seeing the commonalities of his sign painting and my chair painting. And all I can say is....it feels good...both of us are able to do something we enjoyed and make something functional at the same time. I think both he and my dad would approve.
Now where is that screwdriver?
I went out and bought 10 unassembled chairs today to paint. I already have requests from friends and family members, but with this new batch, I hope to be able to cautiously begin selling them for fun and profit. I don't think I will set up a website just yet and depend on word of mouth to get started. I have not yet put pen to paper to decide how much I have invested and how much I will need to make to pull even...and even make some profit to put away some money for that trip to Key West....on my endless summer.
As I was driving to pick up the chairs I mused that it is interesting how some things come home to roost. My grandfather Schindler was a sign painter back in the day when handpainted billboards were the rage. I never really understood why he did not use his talent to paint more paintings. But as I embark on this endeavor, I find myself seeing the commonalities of his sign painting and my chair painting. And all I can say is....it feels good...both of us are able to do something we enjoyed and make something functional at the same time. I think both he and my dad would approve.
Now where is that screwdriver?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
groupie
A dear friend mentioned something the other day that got me to thinking. I have always been a responsible soul, but there is a little something that tickles my fancy so to speak. I like music... alot...the effect that it can have on me is a thing of wonder to me. So because I love music , I tend to think a whole lot of the people that can make it. I can't. But it brings out the adventure and excitement in me and I will do alot to keep it in my life. My friend pointed out that I have a fondness for musicians....even a groupie mentality sometimes. I know that is true. On one hand I am ashamed of it, because "self respecting people are not groupies "( old school thought) on the other hand, it ticks my clock and I am proud of it....so I wrote this poem to pose my outlook:
A groupie in practice
I can’t say its is so
A groupie at heart
Yeah, I’ll give it a go,
Although I take pride
In my solid respectable side
I will say that deep down inside
A groupie giggle resides
It is nothing serious or even true
It is just a crazy something I do
I let out my inner child
And even she is kinda mild
But she gets excited and kinda free
When she finds a passionate musician with a CD
And she lets herself go off with the feel
And momentarily suspends what is real
And indulges in a harmless little fantasy
For a moment, an hour or maybe a day you see
But never truly latches onto what is not real
Because this lady is the real deal.
She can handle herself in many a realm
And keeps reality at the helm
But when she needs to create an ambiance or adventure
You’ll want to come along for sure
Cause she can take care of herself and that’s not all
She can be real and warm and still play hardball
But when she slips into her groupie heart
She can impart
A passion and a caring that is also real
And share the magic that she feels
So come along under the groupie spell
It will be magical and she won’t tell
That you, too, indulged your childlike side
Hold on baby….its quite a ride
A groupie in practice
I can’t say its is so
A groupie at heart
Yeah, I’ll give it a go,
Although I take pride
In my solid respectable side
I will say that deep down inside
A groupie giggle resides
It is nothing serious or even true
It is just a crazy something I do
I let out my inner child
And even she is kinda mild
But she gets excited and kinda free
When she finds a passionate musician with a CD
And she lets herself go off with the feel
And momentarily suspends what is real
And indulges in a harmless little fantasy
For a moment, an hour or maybe a day you see
But never truly latches onto what is not real
Because this lady is the real deal.
She can handle herself in many a realm
And keeps reality at the helm
But when she needs to create an ambiance or adventure
You’ll want to come along for sure
Cause she can take care of herself and that’s not all
She can be real and warm and still play hardball
But when she slips into her groupie heart
She can impart
A passion and a caring that is also real
And share the magic that she feels
So come along under the groupie spell
It will be magical and she won’t tell
That you, too, indulged your childlike side
Hold on baby….its quite a ride
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Perhaps I am just in a funk and being a very internal person tonite.
Ricky Nelson sang a song "Almost Saturday Night" (J. Fogerty) and one of the lines in is says "Out side my window, I can hear the radio and I know that motor wagon is getting ready to fly"....and that line describes how I feel on holidays. I have always...for as long as I can remember, felt that the world outside my window was passing me by. One year my mom and my husband sent me to LA to hear Rick at the Palamino in New Years Day, my birthday and that made up for many many lonely holidays. But, alas, here is another holiday and I am sitting in the room I grew up in, doing pretty much exactly what I did then....nothing....and I SO want to have a vivacious and vital life..with friends and family.....I am so looking for a balance.
Perhaps the best way that I can show my appreciation for those that give their lives for our freedom, is to take full advantage of mine. Use this freedom to fullfill a destiny, whatever that might be. But in order to do that, I must find some way to free myself from the negative thoughts that creep into my mind about the person I am. I never feel like I am enough or do enough and that leads to insecurities. I am afraid these insecurities are an obstacle to friendships I want to have. Important friendships. I know we all have insecurities about something so it is common among our culture, but I need to learn to move through them, while still staying in the now....in the moment. Because I have had some pretty wonderful moments, but sometimes disappointment can overshadow them. Disaappointment plus insecurities make Debbie a dull girl...lol....
So on this 4th of July, I proclaim that I will search and integrate ideas, thoughts, actions and emotions that free me from the boundaries I have put on myself and the labels I have put on myself. I will find a way to disintegrate the turmoil in the pit of my stomach that comes from me doubting myself......and I will search for and find an active freedom and balance in my life.
Thanks to all past, present and future who have made my freedom possible. Happy 4th of July!
Ricky Nelson sang a song "Almost Saturday Night" (J. Fogerty) and one of the lines in is says "Out side my window, I can hear the radio and I know that motor wagon is getting ready to fly"....and that line describes how I feel on holidays. I have always...for as long as I can remember, felt that the world outside my window was passing me by. One year my mom and my husband sent me to LA to hear Rick at the Palamino in New Years Day, my birthday and that made up for many many lonely holidays. But, alas, here is another holiday and I am sitting in the room I grew up in, doing pretty much exactly what I did then....nothing....and I SO want to have a vivacious and vital life..with friends and family.....I am so looking for a balance.
Perhaps the best way that I can show my appreciation for those that give their lives for our freedom, is to take full advantage of mine. Use this freedom to fullfill a destiny, whatever that might be. But in order to do that, I must find some way to free myself from the negative thoughts that creep into my mind about the person I am. I never feel like I am enough or do enough and that leads to insecurities. I am afraid these insecurities are an obstacle to friendships I want to have. Important friendships. I know we all have insecurities about something so it is common among our culture, but I need to learn to move through them, while still staying in the now....in the moment. Because I have had some pretty wonderful moments, but sometimes disappointment can overshadow them. Disaappointment plus insecurities make Debbie a dull girl...lol....
So on this 4th of July, I proclaim that I will search and integrate ideas, thoughts, actions and emotions that free me from the boundaries I have put on myself and the labels I have put on myself. I will find a way to disintegrate the turmoil in the pit of my stomach that comes from me doubting myself......and I will search for and find an active freedom and balance in my life.
Thanks to all past, present and future who have made my freedom possible. Happy 4th of July!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
bonds
A few days ago I was talking to a friend about a friendship I was struggling with. She pointed out that commitment was not something in the other person's vocabulary. I shuddered…I certainly did not want a commitment. But what exactly did I want? I struggled to define what I was talking about. I toyed with several terms but none could capture the feeling I wanted to convey. Then somewhere during the day the word “bond” came to mind. I did not want a commitment. I wanted a bond….a connection…
According to various dictionary sites online :
Commitment means to show loyalty, duty or pledge to something or someone.
A bond is a connection between two people because of love or friendship
To me a commitment is a conscious decision to choose one thing over another. A bond is something that happens because of common interests, common emotions, common values OR a deep appreciation of independent interests, emotions and/or values.
I believe a bond can happen subconsciously on a noncommittal level. The connection between two people can be strong and healthy without a pledge to loyalty or duty. I guess subconsciously I see a commitment as a loss and a gain, while a bond is all gain. A bond is flexible and has no limits or constraints. It is just a warm, fuzzy, comfortable feeling that extends to just about any situation and it makes both parties feel appreciated, valued and cared about. It is something that both share and is integrated into their individual, independent being….and you do not have to be present to win…lol…
According to various dictionary sites online :
Commitment means to show loyalty, duty or pledge to something or someone.
A bond is a connection between two people because of love or friendship
To me a commitment is a conscious decision to choose one thing over another. A bond is something that happens because of common interests, common emotions, common values OR a deep appreciation of independent interests, emotions and/or values.
I believe a bond can happen subconsciously on a noncommittal level. The connection between two people can be strong and healthy without a pledge to loyalty or duty. I guess subconsciously I see a commitment as a loss and a gain, while a bond is all gain. A bond is flexible and has no limits or constraints. It is just a warm, fuzzy, comfortable feeling that extends to just about any situation and it makes both parties feel appreciated, valued and cared about. It is something that both share and is integrated into their individual, independent being….and you do not have to be present to win…lol…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)